Deeper meaning devours my soul... moments never still-born lie never still....
Lillies and dragonflies never let go of the back of my mind; visions and versions allure....
Dances in moonlight, my inner soul a riddle... starlight picks me down, swings me up in rapturous laughter and brings endless places where kisses quiver between raindrops and scattered diamond lights flicker around the corners of our multilayered rainbow eyes... and I am out of my mind....
Pleasure and pain, searching the “ings” -- the odd sounding mysteries of life, days warming distant regionings... loving mostly, painting, raining, sometimes ranting, always feeling the “on Purpose” part of pangs, age, spending more time in out of time... emotions... is it wrong to be so emotional?? Love so deep, other parts of life don't dare draw near "Being strong and dealing with it..."
What a joke. This is not really dealing with it. It is a way of avoiding it. The way I always avoid it.
If we are quiet and watch moon circle brokenness... damp eyes with pure strength know each other. That’s facing the reality of it. That's dealing with it -- feeling, "on purpose", the anti-numbing of every ounce of love...
Deeper love seems an uncharted twisted heaven -- we end up...where? The unknown? Truth and trust? Either way, like any hot blooded strange springtime, deeply intriguing wisdom of ministers and idiots doesn’t matter. "Good thinking" never goes far enough. I’d rather meet love to get ready than get ready to meet love. I mean, wouldn’t you rather choose to meet God to get ready than get ready to meet God?
Dear woman, trust that you’re not alone My Love. I am here and I will love you forever and ever. I meet you where you are, following my heart, going where the love is worth ing-ing for. I’ll never beg for distraction. Go-ing where the love is...
I keep it pure by focusing on it, alone. Alone? It's all that matters in the end. Heart.
Intellectualizing emotions helps people move on... but when they rest, realizing they never really lived…. what do they do then? I can't live that way. Your Screw-man, The Sorrowful Poet, is always loving you... and I know I will never drown in a cold world because you are with me....
Spring Earth is woman, capturing seeds. In soil's grip damp hips suck, push sustanance forward.
Moon knows Earth harbors secrets, leafy and soft, wrapped in silk like aged pearls, but sweet, bitten, sugared with pungent green, and the rut of musky dirt.
Moon becomes father, darkens with knowing bows with a textured burden, like Atlas holds wisdom, but Moon is large and orange, full as a pumpkin whose seeds have fallen, awaiting harvest.
Stars don't change, watching, holding themselves apart, brilliantly distant.
I must breathe.
It is a weakness I have not overcome. I tried: I held my breath and savored the growing ache, embraced the darkness at the edge of vision. I felt the throb in my head, the ringing in my ears and counted sideways, forgetting up from down, dizzy in the lack of hope. I screamed with need, my lungs gasping for want: life, liberty and air, sweet air... I inhale.
Forgone I guess, the conclusion simple: I must breathe in the rhythms of triumph, then despair.
I grab my pen,
I must breathe.
Been a while since I wrote. Been a busy busy little while.
I have found what I was looking for. I have found everything.
I have found everything I hoped to find, and nothing which I suspected was not there to be found at all.
"Maybe that's all I am
But listen to my last word
I take back everything I've said.
With the greatest bitterness in the world
I take back everything I've said."
Nicanor Parra from "I Take Back Everything I've Said"
A distant scream, primal urgency -- balanced between far away -- and not immediacy, the here and now (there and when?)
The words, what do they really mean?
I am a poet, therefore I lie. I lie in the very vers libre I call poems. And yet, I learn: to take a word from Auden Menschlich, German for human (such an odd juxtaposition)
And yet, I whisper: "Irren is menschlich" (To err is human).
My mistake, like hers: trust. To trust in his words, his verse -- and as a poet, his lies.
I hear the echoes, the voices in the night. Wet, blanketed screams as rain closes in and Isadore repeats the lies repenting with every gust, every slap: "Love is a storm, a deadly, deadly wind."
It is not, I tell you.
(Such is a fitting end....)
At the risk of messing with conventional wisdom, I have to say, "HA!!!"
That's right, "HA!!!"
Sometimes, you have to risk everything, to the point where you have nothing, in order to have everything. I feel I am closing in on the latter.
Sometimes, the grass truly is greener. I'm sorry, but it is. So.... my advice to anyone feeling trapped and staring longingly out the window at a bright blue world: OPEN THE DOOR AND BREATHE!!! You'll thank me....
I haven't really blogged much lately, or spent a lot of time around motime land. Employment really cuts into my blogging time, and I'm slightly annoyed by it!
Right now, I feel fairly omnipotent. No matter how badly I screw myself over, no matter how badly I suck myself up into a disposable vacuum bag... I will always come out of it better than before. And with a tan. (I think sometimes I actually make screwing things up look pretty damn good.)
Now to business. I seem to have lost the "stick by your mate at all costs" crowd, and I understand that. I understand I don't exactly come across as the most loyal of persons, as someone prepared to bolt at the first sign of trouble. Actually, I don't know why I feel the need to defend myself against those who basically don't know me nor the situation I've found myself in -- but this is my blog, so I can do what I want.
I admit, I feel a definite urge within me to go down with the ship. To forego any possible chance of a better life outside the stagnation and confinement of "comfort," just for the sake of seeming "honorable."
I'm sorry, but there has to be a better life. For both parties involved. So I'm a little annoyed by some of the sanctimonious handwringing going on around me... maybe gutting things out worked for some of you, but I can tell you, it's not going to work for everyone. Sometimes you just have to accept the loss and move on.... It's that simple. I'm sorry.
Well, thanks Moonlady for tagging me.... **sighs** It's okay... I won't beat you too badly for it. 
Four jobs I've had:
1) Fast food
2) Hamster trainer
3) Half-assed clown
4) Pharmacist
Four movies I'd watch over and over:
1) Any of the Star Wars movies
2) Babe 2: Pig in the City
3) Ace Ventura 2
4) Monty Python and the Holy Grail
Four places I've lived:
1) Rome
2) Athens
3) Youngstown
4) Pittsburgh
Four shows I love:
1) Gilmore Girls
2) Everwood
3) Battlestar Galactica (the newest one)
4) Arrested Development
Four places I've vacationed:
1) Yellowstone
2) Northern California
3) Nova Scotia
4) Israel & Egypt
Four favorite dishes:
1) LadyintheMoon
2) Lasagna
3) Swordfish
4) Honey-baked ham
Four sites I visit daily:
1) My motime friends
2) Yahoo
3) Statcounter
4) Free porn
Four places I'd rather be right now:
1) Snow mobiling in Idaho and Montana and Wyoming
2) Cruising along highway 1 in a convertible
3) In bed with my fantasy babe
4) Pretty much ANYWHERE with my fantasy babe
Four bloggers I'm tagging:
1) Greeneyes
2) Howard
3) Mernie
4) Peachy
Divorce sucks. Just thought I'd mention it.
But it is a hell worth going through if it allows you the chance to find that one magical bond which many refuse to believe in. I mean, if it's such an impossibility, then why is it such a central theme in contemporary artistry??
The grass is never greener, they always say. Or even if it is, you still have to mow it.
Right.
But maybe I don't give a shit about the grass. Maybe I'll just plow the whole yard up and cover it with bark and plant a huge flower garden.
Thing is, plenty of individuals have left for greener pastures and found what they were searching for, such that they never searched again.
That is what I want. I've grown weary of searching, especially when I have been at a place in my life where that search should have ended long ago when I said, "I do."
I really haven't forgotten about my friends here at Motime. I promise.
Yes, I've been self-absorbed and going through some major changes lately. And the fact so many of you have been so supportive is not lost on me in the least.
Noble Jim, Peachy, Mernie... everyone who subscribes... and everyone who has ever left a comment... thanks for sharing part of yourselves with me and making this experience as enjoyable as it is. I will get back to "reality" soon enough, and get caught up on the world going on outside my head...
Peachy, I know I owe you a long update in particular, and I'm sorry I've been such a lousy friend of late. I'll get better. I promise!
Integral waves of associative properties form distributive barriers -- keeping the harmonics of ecstasy prisoner to the patterns of inertia and creating a resonance that threatens structural integrity.
The sum of the remainder of the dividends of circular ill logic chases all but the most linear desires into the realm of substandard deviation, until life is but a flaccid fraction of the infinite, and love conforms to the normative curve.
Somewhere, someone imagines the scent of your arousal....
Somewhere, someone tastes your skin in their dreams....
Somewhere, someone wants to fall into your eyes....
Somewhere, someone hears the soft sighs of your passion....
Somewhere, someone aches to take you beyond bliss....
Somewhere, someone gets off thinking of you....
Everyone has a someone. I am yours.
When I open her pages, I open her life -- or at least my breath, which seems to be lifting my lungs up and back in their timeless sea rhythm, and I must be reacting more obviously, breathing a little too hard. Maybe the sound of my breath is catching hers or maybe it's my chest moving more apparently, but I can't get the feeling under control because I hear her voice shaping words in quiet rumbles with soft precise authority such that each syllable vibrates her sexy tone a little, and I almost feel the mattress shake ever so slightly, but it could be that I just trembled and a tiny quiver escaped at the way her lips move, open then shut, and how she strokes the keyboard with her hands.
In any case she notices, because she laughs gently while she skims my pages, flicking them over her chest in a shuffle, covering herself with poetry and then with me and a smiling question, "Oh you like reading me, do you?"
It's like striking a match, and we press the words between us like flowers....
People always used to ask, “Yo, why are you so skinny?” And I’m like, “'Cause I like Pez candies…when they spit out the food while smiling, it makes me feel that bulimia is OK”
When pro-lifers yell at abortion clinics and say, “what would Jesus do?” my first thought is that Jesus would probably keep the kid…then I think wait…how did Jesus get pregnant??
I try to live by the idea of what would Jesus do…but it doesn’t really help while buying crack....
I had sex with an atheist one night and during it she yelled “Oh God!”…I could quickly tell there was to be no commitment....
When people are very still and quiet, someone usually asks what they are thinking of, and they usually answer “nothing.” I, however, say what I truly am thinking…usually it encompasses a nice hand job and 2 bisexual females….
What goes off in a blind person’s head when they get an idea?
Why do ducks have a dodging technique named after them when they get shot at all the time?
I think anyone with ADD is an ass. For those not paying attention the first time, I think people with ADD are cool....
I like to stop at street corners, look at the crossing guard and press the walk button while in a suave voice say “does this turn you on?”
I pulled my groin last night…and I kept on pulling it....
I never joined the cross-country team, 'cause I don’t like to run…and shit…California is really far away....
